Thursday, July 19, 2012

I knew I was fat when.........

I was that girl that I envy. I was eating my tastycake cherry pie at 104 pounds saying how fat I was. People would always laugh and say what are you crazy, your not fat! As the years pass and after each pregnancy, I got fatter.  People would see me after that and I would say Im so fat, and they wouldnt respond as quickly, but still would say oh no your not. As the years went on I would always complain how fat I got, and people would just change the conversation, and say but you have such a pretty face, and move onto another subject. A few weeks ago really woke me up when I went out to eat with some friends. We were about to take a picture, and as always I say I really dont want to be in the picture. My friend, who was well meaning, said to me just put the kids in front of your body. I meant I just dont like being in pictures,I wasnt trying to hide my body. I was more aware of how others see me, or how I really percieve myself. It wasnt a bad thing, its a true, Im fat and thats why I dont like to be in pictures.

Today was a rough day. Kernel woke me up at 5:30am and the day began. I lost my cell phone and found it after much searching. Then as I was driving to work and  I  almost had a completly flat tire. Thankfully some nice man came running out of his car at a light to tell me. At first I thought he was coming to kill me, but there are actually some nice people in the world. When Im stressed I really want to eat "bad" food like homeade chocolate chip cookies right out of the oven. As I was filling my tire up at wawa I saw this very large woman and she was having a really hard time filling the air in her tires , and I decided ,no thank you to the junk today. I apparently learn alot about weight loss at wawa, go figure. I got a hazelnut coffee, black, and continued on my way into traffic , more stress.

Today some of the ladies at work were using and checking there BMI. My BMI was 30.9. I am Obese! but im working on that :-) Although I really tried to stay off the scale, I didnt and I discovered that I lost 4 pounds so far. "Normal" people would be happy, but im afraid of fallen of the food wagon because the weekend is approaching quickly. A freind told me to weigh myself once a week on a Friday morning, which is a great idea. It will give me confidence to go into the weekend knowing I really can do this. Getting weighed on a Monday morning is brutal, so ill stick with Fridays only, starting tomorrow. Picked up the kids at at 5:30pm had dinner, went shopping, came home did laundry, and no structured exercise again ugh. Im hoping for tomorrow to make some time.

Heres what I ate today:
Breakfast: 2 egg whites & 1 peach
Snack: 2 oz grilled chicken & 1/2 cup of Cherries
Lunch: 2oz  grilled chicken , 2 cups of salad, 1/2 cup of rice
Snack: 2oz grilled chicken & a baked potatoe
Dinner: 2oz tuna, 1/2 cup of rice, and 1 cup of salad
Snack: 1 Peach

64oz of water, 20oz hazelnut coffee black, and 2 cups of green tea
I find that some people are unhappy when you dont follow the norm of "dieting" . The way Im eating may not be easy to some but its easy for me, and it works. Im not living to eat, Im eating to live!

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