Confessions

Today was my Aunt Marions 80th birthday party at a buffet. I'm really not good when it comes to food choices, and buffets have way to many.I had vegetable fried rice, pepper steak, string beans , salad, and spinach. I felt full and good but that birthday cake was looking at me. My sister was standing next to me and the cake after everyone got a piece. I asked her to make sure that I didn't get my fork and stand there and eat the rest of it. She cut me a very small piece, it was probably 1/4 of a small sliver of cake. I cut that in half and ate it. It was so delicious and I enjoyed the taste of it way more since I dont eat it everyday. I looked at her and I told her that I was going to eat the other small piece that went along with it. I wanted her to be prepared in case I attacked the cake, but fortunatly I didnt. I  ate it, and I didn't feel that guilt. As my sister Holly explains it, its like Edward Cullen  the vampire from twilight. He wants the blood so bad but knows its wrong, and everyday is a challenge to stay away from it. I walked away and felt content . I made it out of there in pretty good shape, but the trouble started when I got home, I felt hungry. The salt in the food must give me an appetite. I really wanted to make ground chicken meatballs, but someone thought it would be better to put my food in the freezer. So now I was stuck with the same old boring chicken, and I was craving carbohydrates too, that's a bad combo. Someone thinks that I should eat all the chicken first so I don't waste it. Honestly, I rather waste an ounce of chicken then gain a pound out of boredom in eating the wrong thing because I have nothing that interests me. Don't get me wrong I love a routine, it keeps me on track knowing what I'm going to eat, but I need some variety, not much but some. So my schedule was a bit off and I decided that I would eat my boring dinner. Then I was "bad" I had 1 cup of vanilla ice cream, and 1oz of wise plain chips. I stayed within 1200 calories, and I figured since I walked over 3 miles in total today, that I deserved it. It tasted so good, better than before, because I actually savored it. However, now I'm feeling fat and bloated . I don't miss that feeling at all. Its going to be a really busy week for me, and I'm looking forward to getting back into my food routine. Better days to come , I hope :-)